Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
