PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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