I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
