A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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