2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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