So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
