the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This baby is an asshole
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
