operation harelip BJ is a go
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
