i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
