Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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