I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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