don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
