Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
COCAINE IS GR8
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
