everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My cat gives me a boner
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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