just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
