i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
