A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Randomize