I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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