I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
