I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
