well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Drunk is a universal language darling
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
