you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Quick, to the slutcave!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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