You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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