I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
