OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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