I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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