dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
