Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize