I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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