I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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