I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
