she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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