just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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