so let's talk penis.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The uberlube is also flammable
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize