Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
