That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
