fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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