I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I puked a lego.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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