Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
