And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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