I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
