I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
