I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
