Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
