maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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