I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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