The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
