i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
