Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
