He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
