i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize