I want to walk on stilts...naked
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
