He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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