He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
