even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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