it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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