mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
