don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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