Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
