I understand Curling. That high.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize