Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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